(B)eating (the) Disorder

A trophied heart.  N G tubing.  O steoporosis.  R acing heart, fifth day fasting.  E xercise purging.  X -Rays and brittle bones, 15 years old.  I nside me, lives a disease, A nd I am trying to starve it out of me.  N othing ever seems little enough, E verything is too much.  R acing heart, sixth day fasting.  V icious cycles of never ending misery, O ver-exercise, just to eat it all back again.  S till starving, I don't know why anymore.  A nd someday, I will make it out alive. 

Because somewhere along the way, sickness and misery became glamorous and something to make people say "sometimes I wish I had an eating disorder too, just to be thin," not realizing that my life is being torn apart, piece by piece with no end in sight. Because pro-anorexia really exists, I can tell you honestly and completely why my eating disorder is so glamorous, and that you should be jealous of what I've become. When you first "decide to have anorexia", sure, it might be great. Enjoy it while it lasts, because it won't last, and it's a downwards spiral you won't get out of. I know how it is, the hunger highs and fast results will be lovely.  Then all the "good times" will starve away, just like your happiness, health and sanity.  Your body only has so much energy to live off before everything starts crashing around you. You'll discover the first parts of reality to something you found to be so beautiful, and a symbol of ...